#1. Hyperspace is like Inception and Adaptation Made a Baby
Bantam Books
Hyperspace begins with Professor Karl Zinka moving into your neighborhood and passing out books on hyperspace to kids wandering by his house. With your friendship thus soundly established, the Professor calls you for help after he tries to enter hyperspace, but instead the hyperspace enters him (hopefully after some nice hyper-foreplay). If you alert the authorities, the universe is destroyed. The right course of action, obviously, is to run blindly into the strange old man's house and be prepared for wild, secret adventures.
In the trippiest branch of the ensuing story, you learn that you are a character in a dream, and that if the bald, middle-aged coma patient dreaming about you wakes up, you'll cease to exist.
Bantam BooksWhich is probably a better fate than being a young boy stuck in an old man's dream.
If you decide to accept your fate and allow the dreaming man to awaken, you find yourself meeting the protagonist from another Choose Your Own Adventure book, as well as Edward Packard, the author of the very book you're reading, who apparently wasn't on great terms with the illustrator.
"I must go now. My hunchback people need me."
We don't know what that means -- maybe it's a bit of Charlie Kaufman-esque meta-genius, or Stephen King-style self reference, or just plain madness -- but we know that it's some shit we can barely handle right now, and have no idea how we just glibly accepted it as children without the proper philosophical or herbal support.
And thus we end on the most ridiculous premise of all: Packard not being stoned enough to imagine ridiculous bullshit.
Gavin knows Apple's early years were so rough, someone tried to eat the logo. He has a Twitter@gavinjamieson.
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